I was with a large group of people recently, drinks then dinner then drinks then concert, many of whom I hadn’t met before and who were diverse in their professions, passions, and history. Impressive lives. The conversations were those of a quality that you could hardly keep up with in insight or humor. I was stressed and miserable the whole time.
But then I also looked around and at various times in the evening saw others that just maybe under the surface betrayed a hint of the same stress. That kind of cornered dog reserve. Some people just aren’t build for crowds, but it may not show.
When young, preteen to teen? I remember that reserve being mistaken as arrogance. I think maybe others experience that response growing up and it imprints a hopelessness when in a crowd. Absence of engagement can make you seem the asshole. I see it still from listening to friends/acquaintances and hearing their response to others’ reserve. Although, I often don’t know these third parties so maybe they are assholes. Do women experience this to a greater degree? The only possible personal response to such misunderstandings is ambivalence.
Cocktail parties, as with most experiences, are never like those in the movies.